


On Murders And The Nightly Ingestion of Coffee

by graveExcitement (arachnids)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/M, Sharing a Body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-17
Updated: 2012-06-17
Packaged: 2017-11-07 23:18:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/436536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arachnids/pseuds/graveExcitement
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the 2012 Homestuck Shipping Olympics' Bonus Round 1; a fill for the prompt "Karkat♠Terezi, bodysharing + military".</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Murders And The Nightly Ingestion of Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not quite sure I got enough of the 'military' part in.

It is a sight to behold, or it would be if anyone dared interrupt Legislacerator Terezi Pyrope on her nightly retrieval of coffee. As it is, she is alone in the break room of the Battleterror, a fine ship by anyone's reckoning. Or she would be alone, anyways, if she didn't currently have a passenger of her very own.

"No," Karkat hisses. "We have had entirely too much coffee." Upon saying this, he forcefully draws their outstretched hand back to hang limply at their side. It is a curious thing, Terezi thinks, feeling yourself move without innately knowing what the purpose of doing so is. Without knowing why.

"I don't think so," Terezi says, smoothly taking control of their arm and snatching up the coffee mug, slurping down a few mouthfuls of piping hot death before Karkat can interrupt her precious caffeine intake. This brew tastes awful, but that's no reason for her not to drink it. Sure enough, Karkat wrestles their arm back and slams the coffee mug down on the counter. Terezi sniffs cautiously, but by some miracle, the mug isn't broken, and there's only minor spillage. "I have a long night ahead of me," she says, though she doesn't attempt to drink any more coffee. "I need all the morale boosting I can get."

"You mean we," Karkat growls. "And you call that sludge a morale booster? I'm pretty sure that this shit is pure liquid dayterror."

"That would be impressive! But I think only the Subjugglators get access to that kind of quality brew." Terezi grins. "And no, I really do mean I, not we. According to the case files on my desk, it is my skills that are required today, not yours. In all truth, I do hope we don't require your impressive dying skills any time soon…" 

His response is predictably sarcastic. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I am in fact still in the land of the living. Unfortunately."

"On the contrary." Terezi smirks and strides over to the door separating them from the rest of the ship, taking complete control of their body. "Your presence is what I regard as a stroke of luck." Before Karkat can respond, she opens the door and saunters out into the crowded hallway, effectively shutting him up.

She meets Commander Retchnir, a perpetually-scowling blueblood who happens to be her superior, outside her office. He's well decorated, but unlike many others who can say that, he deserves it; he has an aura of command that seems to make everyone listen to him by default. She respects him, if not greatly, then decently. 

"Have you looked at your newest case yet?" he growls.

"Was just about to," Terezi replies. "I just got back from getting coffee." 

He grunts and enters Terezi's office. She sits down at her desk, while the commander stands in front of it, arms crossed stiffly behind his back. "Lieutenant Leechkel," he says grimly, "has been murdered."

"Hm. Not surprising," Terezi says, expertly ignoring the glare Commander Retchnir immediately shoots her. "He wasn't well-liked." She is, at least, tactful enough to say that this is because he was a massive dick. The good commander would definitely not appreciate that.

"No, I suppose not," the commander mutters. "Get to work on it immediately, you hear? I don't want to see you gallivanting about the ship without a purpose." He turns and leaves the office.

"Don't worry, Commander!" Terezi calls after him. "I always make sure to have purpose in my gallivanting!"

The room is quiet for a minute while Terezi flips open the folder and bows the head she currently is forced to share with one Karkat Vantas so that she can give the papers within a long lick. After that, Karkat takes hold of their mouth to quietly say, "I just want to let you know that this is the worst possible body I could've ended up in. This is loathsome."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Terezi replies with a grin, before setting to work.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Less Coffee, More Killing (sex and violence dub)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/722009) by [Laylah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laylah/pseuds/Laylah)
  * [dying for a cuppa joe (The Cafe Mocha Caper)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7568362) by [caledfwlchthat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caledfwlchthat/pseuds/caledfwlchthat)




End file.
